Saturday, May 11, 2013

A Month Away

This... is going to be a huge post.

I've been back online for a little over a week now, yet it feels like April didn't even exist at all. Let me give you a quick synopsis of what happened.

The first week I started off very strong, lots of studying and sketching. I was happy.
The second week I started to get a little lazy, often finding myself engrossed in reading or watching movies than drawing.
The third week I injured my hand and decided to give it some rest.
The last week I remained lazy and watched movies.

I wish it would have gone differently, but I still learned some things.
The first is that I don't need to rush myself, especially with art. Somehow I see where my friends and peers are in their careers and I want nothing more than to be up on the same level with them. What happens with rushing is not only do I not make very good art, but I also get my hand/arm/shoulder cramps.
The second, how in control of my own actions I am. It seems a bit silly to realize this (I'm sure this wouldn't be the first time I've thought of this) but I often would spoil myself by allowing myself to be lazy. "Oh you can watch one more episode of this show, then we can get started on art. You deserve this piece of chocolate, I know how stressed you've been with worrying." etc. I still struggle trying to put my rewards in their place and really making art my true priority.
Lastly, the present moment is the most important. I need to not focus so much on my future, I seem to grow more anxious that way. Anxiety and depression can be very ugly, usually bringing myself down to a halt and it can be tough to get myself back up again.

Unfortunately, not to sound like a broken record, my hand and arm pains are starting to grow more painful. I was talking to a friend about her time with her arm pains, and she told me that she really had to take a few months to rest. That is, no drawing at all. She thinks that the inflammation still exists because I never gave myself a break. Even though I'm not drawing as much as I would like to, I am still drawing.
I've thought about doing this but it's tough when there are so many projects I want to do. I'm waiting to hear back from my former physical therapist to see if it's a good idea. In the meantime, I would pursue other creative outlets like photography, writing, and drawing with my left hand.

So... Who knows what will happen, all I can do is keep a positive attitude and reassure myself that I'm still young, I have many years ahead of me to accomplish what I want but I cannot get there if I do not rest properly and work on building a better mind set.

Whew, I always feel a little guilty writing so much, but it's a part of my journey that I will look back on.

Ready for some pictures?

Some more creature heads! I left a lot of them unfinished since I want to try painting them in Photoshop sometime soon.

Moleskine sketchbook... Trying to not worry too much about what is right and wrong, focusing more on exploration and getting the idea onto paper.

I started oil painting again last month. I loved doing these, I need to finish my color charts and I'll try colors sometime soon. 

I cannot thank my friends and family enough for their support and encouragement. I know I would never be where I am now without them, and will continue to depend on them whenever my mood or motivation take a dark turn.

This past month has really sparked a new passion for art inside of me, it's just a matter of pacing myself so I may be able to share all my future art with you guys.


  1. cool sketches. love that little gnome warrior!

  2. Hi Stacy. Great drawings and studies you got here. Congrats for that ;)

    As to the chalenge you are having with your arm, there may be a very explicit message you are sending yourself on a subconscious level. You know, in our culture, and more explicitly in yours, there is the belif that we were brought up to have that, you have to work hard for everything you do; that you have to prove your value as a human being by achieving certain things in your life like being very good in a particular activity, being cool, being good in relationships, having a certain amount of money... and some of those are not even things relevant to your life in particular.

    However, the expectations that people put on those things can be so big that they get overwelmed and crash simply. And it seems to be what is happening to you, and I know it because I was there for a lot of time already. The paradox resides precisely on the thing you are trying to push away - what you are calling lazyness - and letting it exist. When you allow yourself the time out you deserve without judging yourself - and this is the most importantant part: you have to respect yourself - thats when you will feel more free and really start to enjoy what you are doing - and that leads you into living in the moment without comparissons. And with that kind of attitude, you will be so busy having fun drawing or painting or whatever, that you get better at it very fast without even noticing it. And thats the paradox.

    I hope I was of help. This is what worked and works for me.
    Sorry for the big text :P

    Please let me know if you find this information helpful. Cheers ;)

    1. Wow sorry I didn't reply to this sooner, that is absolutely fantastic! Thank you for taking the time to write me Fernando! The way you phrased it is beautifully and I really appreciate your point of view! I definitely agree, I do get hard on myself because of my hand which in return produces more stress. I am starting to relax more and take things more slowly, which has been helping out so much with my current art flow. :3 Thanks again for writing to me!