A Month Away

This... is going to be a huge post.

I've been back online for a little over a week now, yet it feels like April didn't even exist at all. Let me give you a quick synopsis of what happened.

The first week I started off very strong, lots of studying and sketching. I was happy.
The second week I started to get a little lazy, often finding myself engrossed in reading or watching movies than drawing.
The third week I injured my hand and decided to give it some rest.
The last week I remained lazy and watched movies.

I wish it would have gone differently, but I still learned some things.
The first is that I don't need to rush myself, especially with art. Somehow I see where my friends and peers are in their careers and I want nothing more than to be up on the same level with them. What happens with rushing is not only do I not make very good art, but I also get my hand/arm/shoulder cramps.
The second, how in control of my own actions I am. It seems a bit silly to realize this (I'm sure this wouldn't be the first time I've thought of this) but I often would spoil myself by allowing myself to be lazy. "Oh you can watch one more episode of this show, then we can get started on art. You deserve this piece of chocolate, I know how stressed you've been with worrying." etc. I still struggle trying to put my rewards in their place and really making art my true priority.
Lastly, the present moment is the most important. I need to not focus so much on my future, I seem to grow more anxious that way. Anxiety and depression can be very ugly, usually bringing myself down to a halt and it can be tough to get myself back up again.

Unfortunately, not to sound like a broken record, my hand and arm pains are starting to grow more painful. I was talking to a friend about her time with her arm pains, and she told me that she really had to take a few months to rest. That is, no drawing at all. She thinks that the inflammation still exists because I never gave myself a break. Even though I'm not drawing as much as I would like to, I am still drawing.
I've thought about doing this but it's tough when there are so many projects I want to do. I'm waiting to hear back from my former physical therapist to see if it's a good idea. In the meantime, I would pursue other creative outlets like photography, writing, and drawing with my left hand.

So... Who knows what will happen, all I can do is keep a positive attitude and reassure myself that I'm still young, I have many years ahead of me to accomplish what I want but I cannot get there if I do not rest properly and work on building a better mind set.

Whew, I always feel a little guilty writing so much, but it's a part of my journey that I will look back on.

Ready for some pictures?

Some more creature heads! I left a lot of them unfinished since I want to try painting them in Photoshop sometime soon.

Moleskine sketchbook... Trying to not worry too much about what is right and wrong, focusing more on exploration and getting the idea onto paper.

I started oil painting again last month. I loved doing these, I need to finish my color charts and I'll try colors sometime soon. 

I cannot thank my friends and family enough for their support and encouragement. I know I would never be where I am now without them, and will continue to depend on them whenever my mood or motivation take a dark turn.

This past month has really sparked a new passion for art inside of me, it's just a matter of pacing myself so I may be able to share all my future art with you guys.

Here There Be Monster Heads and Rambles

Hello! I apologize for the silence on this blog - it's not intentional!

My wrist and shoulder have been feeling much better, but my attitude and ego have not. It's been a stressful couple of months and these past few weeks have been extra taxing on me due to working so much at my day job (which always makes my hand and shoulders hurt, then makes me mega frustrated and depressed). I'm happy to report that I put in my two weeks notice on Monday and by the end of the month I will be unemployed - but free from the world of retail!
The plan is this: The same week I work my last day at my job is the same week I'll be going out of town to the countryside of Ohio, and I plan on just leaving my laptop at home to get a breather from all my external stresses here and truly relax. When I come back, I want to whip myself and my work into shape. I have a schedule set up where I'll study three hours in the morning and then do four hours of portfolio work. The idea is to have some images to show off at Workshop SF 2012 and hopefully get some pointers on getting some freelance jobs. What happens after the workshop, I haven't a clue, but I just want to keep it like that and adjust when the time comes.

That also means more blog updates! Going to start bringing back Sketchy Saturdays (that does mean more life drawing, I miss my LCAD buds!) and I'm going to begin a new series: WIP Wednesdays where I'll post up any WIPs I have and will allow crits on it. In between those regular updates I will post up any finished images I complete, and will begin to put together a portfolio site (FINALLY).

I welcome any cheers of support and some slaps on the wrist if I stray too far from my goals. I blog because it helps not only let others see my progress or hurdles, but allows me to see how far I've come. And having voids between posts doesn't show much progress.

Okay, without further ado, here's my current sketching binge - MONSTER HEADS!

While visiting Arizona last month, I had the chance to sculpt one of the monsters! I want to do more of these, they're a lot of fun and it's so awesome to be able to hold a monster head in my hand. 

Thanks for reading!

Sketchy Saturday: Shut up and DRAW!

I'm in a little disbelief how much I've fallen out of the swing of things. A little update on my hand is that I have some nerve irritation in my arm and shoulder that causes pain. While it's not as severe as the tendinitis, it still hurts and I will admit that I'm a little over cautious to not draw when I'm in pain. This struggle between my need to draw and my need to rest has gotten me a little down, but I'll continue to do my best to draw while I can.

One of the ways to get back on the horse is to start attending life drawing again. Oh my lands, how out of practice I am. I felt like there was a rock tied onto my hand when drawing, struggling to capture both the pose and the likeness of the model. I could hear the inner-dialogue in my head constantly commenting on either how I need to look more, how I need to redraw something, telling myself I can do - and have done - better, and the occasional off topic thought. I had to tell myself several times "SHUT UP AND DRAW!" instead of constantly berating myself.

Even though I've drawn this model several times before, I can never master her face. Gah!

It's my goal in May to attend life drawing once a week again, along with starting another study schedule to get back into drawing.

As an added offering for not updating my blog as often, here are some monster and demon exploration going on in my sketchbook.

Sketchy Saturday: Watercolor Pencil

Due to my wrist pains, I've been using a watercolor pencil to draw with and use a brush pen that has a capsule for water on it to darken my lines when I need to. It's training me to not draw so dark thus reliving tension in my wrist.
I also got a new sketchbook that I plan on doing looser drawings in. Moleskines are difficult sometimes because I'm scared to ruin the nice paper with bad drawings, but I plan on getting on to do more refined drawings once my wrist is better.

 

 

And today's life drawing session, I didn't get a chance to continue reading Michael Hampton's book but it's interesting to see last week's lesson merge into my current habits.